General information about things that Nicholas Hay knows about.

The Long Good Friday.

Posted in Adventures by nicholashay on November 7, 2010

This past First Friday Yuko and I decided to head down to the San Antonio Zoo before we went to Blue Star.  Afterward it was kind of hard to tell where one adventure ended and the other began.

These are some of the fucking Koi fish at the zoo.  Yuko is Japanese and so are Koi fish so give me a fucking break.


San Antonio zoo flamingo.


This is a fucking squirrel that was in one of the empty environments.  Yuko fucking loves squirrels more than almost any of the other animals at the zoo.  If she had a zoo of her own it would be squirrels and capybara’s.  It would probably be one of the fucking most boring zoo’s in the world – except to Yuko.  I would probably go too.


This is probably the fucking best way to photograph a bear in the wild.


This photo is for Nick Morales who swears that they don’t have grizzly bears at the San Antonio Zoo.  I fucking told you so.  I don’t understand why someone would argue with a person that goes to the zoo at least once a fucking month, but just to settle that shit… here you go buddy!


Shark.


Jellyfishes.


These kids were fucking rowdy little monsters and I know they were just waiting for that fucking shark to tear a badass hole in something.  I totally understood where they were coming from.


Pufferfish that never puffed up no matter how many fucking pictures I took.


Clown fishes with a fucking monster glare that looked cool.


This monkey kept chewing on this fucking green plastic.


I think that this is the most fucking depressed monkey that I have ever seen in my life.


Snakes.  By the way, I literally took over eight hundred pictures at the zoo.  I got a new camera and was seeing what it could do so I just kept on shooting.  I think that I probably photographed almost all of the zoo.


This is called the fucking Bill O’reilly Snake.  This snake is kind of an asshole because he is always bitching and complaining about everything but when some other snake disagrees with him then he says: “That’s it buddy.  That’s it.  The interview is over.  That’s it.”.  Everybody fucking hates this snake.


Scary alligator.  He looked at me like he wanted to bite my fuck off.


Sexy snake.


A fucking sad little monkey.


I don’t know if this is a fucking zoo cat or a regular cat but it isn’t really that cool.  I just put it on the blog in case it is a regular cat all of the fucking zoo officials that read my blog could realize it and do something about it.


Around Halloween time all of the animals get pumpkins for their cages.  I guess it is to be festive.  Anyway, none of the animals understand what the fuck festive really means because they don’t do shit to their pumpkins.  Except for the fucking crazy monkeys that smash the pumpkins to bits and wipe shit on them.  All I am trying to say is that I am a fucking human and I don’t give a shit about the pumpkins and the animals don’t give a shit about the pumpkins.  So stop giving the goddamn pumpkins to the animals – except the fucking monkeys.  The zoo keepers should take the fucking pumpkins to alternative high schools or something so that the kids could smash the shit out of them and feel better about themselves.


This is a giant pussy licking itself.  I included it because I want to know if anybody ever searches the internet for that phrase.  If they do they are going to be really fucking disappointed.


The fucking riverwalk water.


I guess kids don’t have fucking school on Fridays.  Otherwise kids are skipping school to go to the fucking zoo.


This is a fucking camouflaged door that I discovered.  I wish that I had shot the picture horizontally instead of vertically so that it could match all of the other fucking pictures on the blog but ohh well, I guess.


Some, actually a fucking shit load, of kids carved stupid shit into the zoo bamboo.


Yuko spotted this Asian family coming out of the zoo cafeteria.  I hope they don’t think that all American food taste like fucking zoo food.  Maybe it does, though.


I have no fucking idea what this was about.  I don’t think that the San Antonio zoo licensed the phrase “hungry, hungry, hippos” from Mattel.  I hope the don’t get fucking busted.


Yuko telling me to photograph something.


This kid is waiting for this hippo to take a shit.  I know it.  I could fucking smell his anticipation.  It is actually pretty cool.  It’s like underwater fireworks.  The old man at the gate that tells people when animals are getting fed should also let the people know that if they come back a certain time after the animal gets fed they can see the animals take monster shits all over their cages.  It sounds nasty but I swear to god kids eat that shit up.


This is a fucking crocodile by the way.  Not an alligator.


Fish in the dirty crocodile water.


This is a fucking sad grandpa monkey.  He just found out that his monkey grandson is gay and he realized that he fought on monkey D-Day for nothing because his seed will die with his fucking gay monkey grandson.  Get over it dude.  This is fucking 2010.  You fucking monkey bigot.


I have no fucking idea why I would take a picture of a bunch of boring ass brown ducks.  I hope you didn’t waste too much fucking time looking at this one picture.  Fucking asshole.


Yuko really liked this bird a lot and was determined that I get a good shot of it.  I fucking tried Yuko but this is the best I got.  We will try again next time.  I am sure there will be a next time.


This is a fucking Okapi trying to hide from my prying eyes.  Good fucking luck buddy.  Get your fucking camouflaged shit together and try again brother.


This is a fucking nasty little mongoose.


This is a photograph taken only seconds before this African Wild Dog lunged out of the water and against the glass in front of where Yuko was standing.


I fucking hate ostriches.  I think they look really fucking stupid.


This is a fucking sad White Rhino.  He recently lost his job and doesn’t know how to tell his family that they are going to have to move because they can’t afford their mortgage in Stone Oak and his kids aren’t going to get to go to Reagan anymore.  They’re going to have to go to fucking Judson.


This is a new game that they have at the zoo.  It is called the fucking recycle game.  You see kids get to stick their little hand into that secret hole and pull out what ever they can reach.  Sometimes they get a badass used sprite bottle that they can drink out of and show all of their friends but sometimes they get a fucking handful of Africanized killer zoo bees.  It is used to teach gets to keep their fucking hands out of Mother Natures shit.


Zoo pigeons.


The shaved zoo ice comes in five flavors.  The peacock and giraffe were my favorites, but honestly, they all fucking tasted like chicken.


This fucking zoo keeper was inspecting something.


This is a fucking badass fun times warning sign.  It warns you whenever cool shit could possibly happen so that it doesn’t happen to your fucking grandma.


These are the fucking evil insane wacko flamingos.  You can tell by their red eyes.  They are at the very end of the zoo because they play with their own shit and secretly masturbate at the dinner table.  They are pretty much an embarrassment to the entire zoo community, but they don’t give a fuck.


Bald eagle.


Really cute zoo squirrel that let me get really fucking close.  This one’s for you, Yuko.


Yuko’s favorite animal.


This is what I feel like after a day at the zoo.  I feel like I could fucking fall asleep on some hard ass rocks.


This reminded me of me and Yuko – hanging out and looking at stupid shit together.


Badass zoo shades.


Zoo toys.  I don’t understand why they sell fucking dinosaurs at the zoo.


Until right before I started typing this I thought that these were flamingo animals but they are pink monkeys which doesn’t make any fucking sense.  Anyways, I was going to make a fucking flamingo joke but now a can’t.


Zoo Frito pie cost four fucking dollars.


I think that this fucking jet fighter was going to go bomb some fucking foreigners.  We still do that, right?


Check out this chicks fucking belly jewelry.  I was fucking surprised to see that and had already packed my camera away when I saw it so I had to rush it out for this shot.  Might not have been worth it.


PART II:  FIRST FRIDAY

After the zoo Yuko and I took a little break but then it was back to work.  Journalist never sleep.  They take a shit load of drugs thinking that it will help them stay awake and then go crazy and just photograph stuff at random and make up shit to go along with it.  After the zoo I was still in zoo mode and kept photographing animals.  This is a tiny cat in the distance.  Actually it is a regular sized cat that appears tiny through the magic of photography.  It is called a fucking wide angle.  18 millimeters, stupid.


This is a fucking cat that thought it could hide from me.  It couldn’t.  I fucking caught it and killed.  Just kidding.  I couldn’t catch it because it was too fast.  Yuko fucking shot it with her rifle.


This is Yuko holding some crap that these fucking sorority girls were walking down the street passing out to anyone that would take it.  Most people wouldn’t take it but Yuko fucking got suckered.  Anyway, I took it away from her and threw it in the river as punishment for shooting the cat.


This is a mural that I have never actually seen except for like two feet away because I never walk on the other side of the road.  It is probably something really badass related to San Antonio culture.  It could also say “Nick is a Fucking Dickhead and his blog sucks” in really fucking giant, festively colored lettering.  Who knows.


This is the pipeline that Mayor Castro had built so that he could pump oil into the river for the river walk to make it more shiny and appealing to northerners.   Sounds like a fucking good idea if you ask me.


This is the fucking river walk extension that I think someday is supposed to not look like shit, but I think that it is still going to supposed to smell like shit.


Somebody got really fucking high or drunk and got behind the wheel of this piece of shit and slammed head onto a minivan full of bad ideas.  Everyone was fucking killed instantly.  This should be a warning to all that brush-applied painting and car bodies do not mix.  Unless you can fucking pin stripe – don’t try.  Someone could get seriously fucking injured or killed.


A badass pump.


Adrianna The Panther Barrios.


Justiceworks Studio group photography show.


This dog’s name is Monkey and I have a feeling that she is going to be a fucking star.


This lady is a fucking dog whisperer or something.  I think.


This is monkey behaving like a good dog.  Just kidding.  She is fucking jumping around biting her leash and shit – not listening to anything.  She is young give her a fucking break.  She is going to be a star.  I fucking know it.  This dog is going to rescue some fucking old people from being raped or something.


Some of the permanent collection in the alleyway.


This is where all of the rich people live and sit on their balcony and crack pistachio nuts with their asses and spit them onto people below.


This is Hills Snyder’s Happiness…


And the cross that projected it.




This is the fucking shiny decadent bullshit that was in the back room.


This too.


This is Mystery writer William Betts.


Some kid fucking drew this.  I thought that it was fucking badass.  Somebody else thought that it was fucking badass too and spent like $80 on it.  That is a fucking steal.  I know people that have been in college for like ten fucking years that can’t draw this well.  Everybody fucking won with this gem.


This is the fucking best part of this sculpture.


The work at UTSA Satellite has got to be some of the most photogenic that I have seen in a while.  UTSA Satellite has a lot of bullshit art a lot of the time, but god-damn they got a good lighting system for everyone to see it.


This is Rusty Dong.


The dicks jokes were bearable until this sculpture.  It isn’t really that good and afterwards you realize that all of the of works are references to dicks.


See.


This is a fucking bad ass flame that keeps the fire of art burning inside of all that stand near.


Jung Hee Mun’s work at Cactus Bra.

This is my fucking favorite of the bunch.

All in all I would say that Yuko and I had a fucking pretty good Friday.  We probably saved people a shit load of money and time because we fucking photographed all of the animals, but sometimes that shit looks even better in person.  It is like art I guess.

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4 Responses

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  1. My muscles look like a Corvette said, on November 9, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    It’s a brown bear. Grizzly bears have more teeth. You need to polish up your bear game knowledge. I drew that wolf.

  2. 马义杰 said, on November 10, 2010 at 3:15 am

    you make me miss san antonio


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